Moving to Australia?

Well, you’re in luck…!
The new edition of Didgeridoos and Didgeridon’ts about to be unveiled in about 2 weeks time…

Fully revised, fully updated…

…and it fully has the ‘Amazon Best Seller’ title added to it!

So watch out – time to hit the media again.. first interview next week (… hmm must get my roots done)

Ho Ho Ho… Merrry Christmas!

Yep, I’m at it again, going completely loopy…. you may think?

But actually there is another phenomenon that you Brits need to know about – before you leave the shores of Blighty.

Christmas in July.

No, I’m not making it up, it is an actual bona fide tradition that the Aussies do.  And to be quite honest, after I had finished mocking it for being utterly ridiculous, I realised it makes total sense.


Imagine Christmas day, everyone has been out for a swim in the pool, or just got back from a quick dip at the beach, while you have been out the 15lb turkey has been roasting away in a sweltering oven. It is difficult to muster up any enthusiasm to prepare the roast potatoes, parsnips and other delicacies, such as pigs in blankets, when the sweat is dripping off the end of your nose blending nicely with the rosemary and herb basting on the turkey – so you decide to put the air conditioner on.

After a few hours, the house has cooled to a much more comfortable level and you happily dig into your sumptuous Christmas dinner, followed by a steaming hot figgie pudding and brandy custard.

But why put yourself through it??

The cooler temperature in July is crying out for comfort food and who wouldn’t want a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings when you don’t have to be hyperventilating to make it?

So once again, I have to say ‘good on ya, Aussies’ for starting another wacky but fun tradition.

….Now if only we could get hold of a ‘Marks & Spencer’s butternut squash and leek roast’,  we’d be sorted.

Have a great week and Happy Christmas. x


The Sweet Smell of Denture-Fix…

So winter is here… and while the book sales continue to steadily plod along, my evening Zumba classes are starting to take a dive in numbers… so while the chilly season is upon us and people are reluctant to leave their cosy homes – I thought I should supplement my income in other ways…

… So I signed up for a focus group.

I’ve never really looked into focus groups before, so I had no idea what to expect when I turned up at Channel 7 last week – dressed in full ‘wow-factor’ regalia (make-up/hair done to meticulous standards) in the hope that one of their presenters had explosive diarrhea and an immediate replacement would have to be found.

But – as usual – this wasn’t to be the case.

I met with the other members of the focus group in a lobby, and it was clear that they were my elders by 35-40 years… and – to be totally blunt – probably not the most well kept individuals either.

We were summoned through to a conference room – so we slowly shuffled along in single file behind a Salvation Army regular with her Zimmer frame. I was thankful that she had this, as I was dangerously close to her and  it acted as a barrier from me and her Weetbix stained pullover.

Half an hour into the discussion, a platter arrived with tiny delicate sandwiches wedged tightly together  – and by this time, I was starting  to feel peckish.

Obviously the hardened focus group regulars where ready for this delight and started tucking in immediately.

As the platter edged ever nearer to me, I was horrified to see a hand dive in for the second time – now it wasn’t so much the greed that made me gasp… but rather the fact that this chap had just cleared his back teeth with his index finger, and was fondling the sandwiches with this freshly-wetted finger – complete with excess chewed white bread on his knuckle.

Needless to say I waved the tray on when it got to me.

The rest of the hour passed quickly, and although I made a few comments on relevant topics, for the majority of the time, I really didn’t have a clue what anyone was talking about. Something about AFL…?  Are the commercials breaks too long…? Should we have a special programme about local sport at the weekend..?

All these programmes are the sort that I fast-forward through on time-shift with my recordable DVD player – an item that none of the group had never heard of – but perhaps now will go and buy in the EOFYS?

Oh well, I came out of there $30 richer – yet starving…..

Have a great week.x.


Happy EOFYS everyone!


No, I’m not going mad again – this is quite a common Australian phrase at the moment.

It stands for End Of Financial Year Sale.


Not really, the Australian financial year runs from July 1st  to June 30th – so great savings can be made on hundreds of goods at the shopping centres.

Ok, so maybe it is just a ploy to get everyone out there spending money – but who can resist a bargain?

When we arrived in Oz – it was coming up the EOFY so we were thrilled to find that all the furniture, electrical goods (and even the car we wanted!) was on sale… what a stroke of luck, seeing as we had stupidly given away most of our worldly goods before we left – to vulture-like friends.

Anyway, just thought I’d share that quickie with you – I’m now off to Channel 7 to talk about the absurdities on TV…(not related to this blog topic – more on that one next week!)

But I could be gone a while….

Have a good week, celebrate in style and buy some electrical goods…


Australian phrases

The reason I wrote my book (and consequently this blog) came glaringly apparent again this week – when I was faced with two phrases that made me question my own sanity…

Phrase one..

The first one wasn’t too much of a mind-boggler… here was the context:

Due to a king tide, the sailing trip had been delayed

Nothing too weird about that – you can understand that the ‘king’ bit means ‘large’.

But then came another news report…

The man suffered major facial injuries after being king hit outside a nightclub

What the…? Is it just me or is that a really strange expression?

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Custard Apples? No really, it’s true…!

Weird but wonderful

Now you might think I’m going slightly mad, ‘why on earth is she posting a blog on custard apples?’


When I first arrived in Oz, I hurridly wanted to go out and taste new Aussie foods… as I love trying new and odd stuff, even if it is only once… (Witchetty grubs…. never again….shiver)

So obviously the sound of a ‘custard apple’ was very appealing…. ‘oooh, an apple – that tastes of custard?’ Very Willy Wonker.

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